#that’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life

[zozo-01]

"humanity will never lose hope (but you're not that human anymore, are you?)"

Or: Finding out that you lover never changes, no matter which world you stand on in 12.4k words.

Oh my God, of course my first full fic in a year is over ten thousand words. Oh well, I love Phainon and I love Kevin, so that this as my love letter to both of my favourite Hoyo men.

Shout out to @baeshijima who I've been torturing with snippets for the last few months and @horrorscoupes and @gingerbreadmonsters who I have also been sending snippets to, except they have no idea what's going on. (Join the dark side please I beg.)

CW: Angst, Hurt/Kind of Comfort, Bittersweet Endings, Alternate Timeline, Not Canon Compliant, kevin kaslana haunting the reader for the rest of over, phainon is so clueless and in love, Unrequited love, more two people using each other to fill the void, Mentions of Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation, we love self-deprication!, Marriage, Thoughts of Motherhood, Kevin's reader uses she/her pronouns, Phainon's reader uses they/them pronouns, Amphoreus has me aching for more, reader is the PE's Herrscher of the End, she Kiana'd the Herrscher and that's how she's still alive, Writing this before the ending of amphoreus so I could be very very right, or very very wrong

click here for the ao3 link!!!

It was just your luck that the lance that struck you out of the sky had separated you from your companions. Seriously, doesn't this planet know that it's common courtesy to radio in before you deem the flying object as a threat? This was not a good look for Amphoreus, and you shiver to think about how the rest of your trip will go. 

For once, you would appreciate it if the Express could take a nice vacation by the beach. Or in a metropolitan area. Literally, anything that doesn't have to include saving or dooming the world you're standing on. You'd like to think that you've had enough world-altering missions for a lifetime.

Stumbling out of the rubble of the train car, you take in your surroundings. Perhaps back in its heyday, Amphoreus must have been a gorgeous place, with marble statues littered across the land of the heroes that have long protected their home. It reminded you of the Ancient Greek ruins that you were obsessed with. It's strange, to see familiar sights on every planet you visited, yet being so far from home. You wonder if those ancient ruins survived the destruction you brought on.

(The Honkai never left behind survivors. Even those who lived to tell the tale had their souls ripped from them. You were no exception, but that didn't mean that you wouldn't take back what was rightfully yours. Your journey to heal from your past felt like a glacier. You hope that your current comrades— no, friends, could help you move on from your past.)

You wander around the temple, not sure of what to do next. Worry filled you for your companions, not because they weren't capable, but because of the collective stupidity that seemed to arise whenever young members of the train were trailblazing. In theory, March being back at the train and Dan Heng's rational self should be enough to keep them safe, but Stelle has become such a wildcard, you don't put anything past her. She and her bat were capable of putting the entire world at risk. You were surprised that no one had come up to you to arrest you because of something she did. 

At the end of the day, those two were your companions and it was best to put your trust in them. You just hope that they don't do anything stupid without you knowing. At least with you there, there would be an adult to make sound decisions. You chuckle to yourself, wondering when during your life you of all people decided to become the responsible one.

To be honest, you always felt odd about considering the younger Express members as peers. Because yes, you seem roughly the same age, with your youthful looks and durable limbs, always eager to seek out the next challenge. But if anyone looked into your eyes, really looked into your soul, they could see that time has ravaged you in ways no mortal should have gone through. Fifty thousand years is a long life to live for anyone, let alone a human. Yet you spent that time in isolation, your only company being the monster you swore you'd never become.

(You had only two reasons to endure. Your love for humanity and your love for him. The world survived, no thanks to you. He wasn't as lucky.)

Enough pondering, there were more pressing matters that you needed to take care of. Like finding Stelle and Dan Heng and figuring out how the hell to get out of here without causing too much trouble. 

You were careful to walk through the ruins of the land, flinching at the crumbling stone surrounding you. The lack of light didn't help either in finding out where to go. You were hoping that eventually, there would be some ruckus– loud whining from Stelle or maybe Dan Heng's dragon guiding you to the rest of your team. Unfortunately, no such sights or sounds have reached your senses. Or maybe it is fortunate that no chaos started. Yet.

Part of you wanted to use your powers to just fly up and track Dan Heng and Stelle. It would be so easy and would waste unnecessary time. Time that you could be spending on figuring out what the hell was the deal with Amphoreus and how to contact the Astral Express. You can almost hear Welt reminding you why that's a bad idea, not that you don't disagree with him.

"We don't know what effect your Herrscher powers could have in this place and it looks like this universe doesn't even know what the Honkai is. We don't want to start another eruption."

You sigh. What a shame. All the power in the world and you're relegated to using some watered-down version of it in the form of Aeons and their paths. You wouldn't have had it any other way.

Absolutely would you never dare to use your true powers in this relatively peaceful universe. There is lingering fear left in you over the events of your rebirth. You wish you could say that you didn't remember anything, that the evil sealed within you had granted you the mercy of losing consciousness when they took control. But destiny did not care that you didn't choose this fate, it punished you all the same.

The bodies of your friends, dare you call them family, carelessly slewed across the grey land. Hands that once held yours in dance with music in the air, could barely hold onto their weapons that they swore they'd use to save humanity. One by one, they fell like the brightest shooting stars until a garden of corpses surrounded you and your beloved. He was covered in blood, of his own and his friends, with burning anguish in his glacier eyes. You remember teasing him that red was never his colour. 

The ring on your finger was a cold reminder of his warmth. Your eyes tear up as the blue diamond reminds you of his eyes. 

You strengthen your resolve and wipe your tears. Enough about the past! What's done is done and all you can do is prevent it from happening again. He's not here anymore and there's no use crying about it right now. You made a promise to his descendant that not only will you live, but you will live long enough until the Honkai has been properly defeated and that your powers will not be passed down to you in the next cycle.

(You'll do your crying when you're alone in bed, pretending that his arms are wrapped around you. Oh, how you would sacrifice planets to bring him back if only to see him one last time. Hopefully, should you be granted another chance, your reunion will be less bloody. One could argue that you aren't at your best when you have your lover's lance piercing through you.)

Why is it that being on Amphoreus is causing these memories to flood your brain again? Perhaps it is because this is the first time since you joined the Express that you have been left alone in your thoughts. Ever since your self-imposed imprisonment, you detested the silence, having been left alone with your thoughts for far too long. It's part of the reason why you loved Stelle's presence. Never a dull moment with her and it was enough for you to push down whatever feelings would bubble up.

Very rarely did you wish that you were more Herrscher than human if only to get rid of those pesky feelings that leave you gasping for air. Disgusting.

Maybe the quiet is doing you some good, giving you the time and space to properly process your emotions instead of dismissing them for later. You let yourself indulge in the good memories, reminding yourself that your past wasn't entirely doom and gloom. That's what made the tragedies of your life all the more painful. The sleepovers you had with Elysia, the pointless yet invigorating debates with Su and the wheat fields you and Kevin would walk down as children.

(Wait a minute, you never knew Kevin as a kid. You had met him shortly after he joined Fire MOTH. And even so, both of you grew up in metropolitan areas with no farmland in sight.)

(These weren't your memories, so who did they belong to?)

Before you can think too hard over the maybe false memories, you hear the screams of children coming from the ruins ahead of you. Without thinking you rush ahead, your heroic instincts taking over.

You turn the corner and find a young boy and a young girl, with the boy standing in between her and the stone monster. He raised his flimsy sword to try and fight the monster off, with fear and resignation in his eyes. You knew that look all too well. Even if he doesn't make it out of here, he can make sure that this little girl can get to safety. Fat chance kid, there will be no more dying kids on your watch.

"Hey!" you yell at the stone creature to catch its attention. Thankfully, it was enough to take its attention off the kids and onto you. You don't feel any fear as it hulks over, its loud footsteps and towering figure doing nothing more than making you chuckle. Silly, silly monster. Didn't it know that it sealed its face by facing something more terrifying than itself?

You didn't think twice before throwing your sword towards it, following the sword to make sure it landed on its target. You use the handle of your weapon as a pushing-off point for a backflip, making sure its blade sinks as deep as it can into the monster. The monster crumbles back into the ground as you approach the two children, kneeling down to make yourself less threatening. 

"You kids alright?" you ask, eyes tracking their faces for any visible injuries. Luckily the children didn't suffer any severe injuries, the worst only being what you assume are going to be sore limbs from all the running they did today. Their nods of agreement quelled any lingering worry that you had. You add another mental note about the things you learned about Amphoreus so that you can somewhat communicate with the locals.

But before you can ask them why they were out here alone, the statues that you didn't notice earlier crumbled their hard shells to reveal the monsters within them. Now you're surrounded by five statue monsters and with two children to look after. On the bright side, these two might be easier to take care of than your fellow Trailblazers. 

"I don't have time for this," you mumble to yourself, pushing the children behind you. It was just your luck that you had to face off against enemies in this world, with no knowledge of what you were going up against and with no backup. (No, the little boy and his poor excuse of a sword do not count as backup in your books.) It mattered little though, you have gone up against the worst in the past and you will continue to encounter worse in the future.

More and more statues stalk closer towards you, with their clunky movements causing the children to quiver in fear, mumbling something about Nikador's wrath, whatever that meant. Part of you was considering using your natural powers to make quick work of the statues, already annoyed that you've wasted enough time here. Sure there are consequences if you accidentally triggered an eruption, but those can be dealt with later.

With a snap of your fingers, portals opened around you, orange in colour and slicing their way into this universe. Out came a lance for each creature and in a blink of an eye they crumbled before you, turning back into the stone they came from. That was one problem done thankfully, and if all of Amphoreus' enemies were that easy to deal with, then you should have no problem traversing the rest of the planet, if you could even consider it a planet. You just hope that you won't have to use any more of your powers.

You turn around to make sure the children you are protecting are okay, but instead of fear, you are met with excited expressions, like they hadn't almost died from a falling rock. The young girl started jumping and dancing around, while the boy pumped his fist in the air.

"That was so cool! The way you summon those flying lances and beat those titankins. You have to be a Chrysos heir– no a Demigod! Just like the ones mom used to tell us about!" The child went on about Titans and prophecies that you couldn't wrap your head around entirely. This is not what you meant when you had wanted a crash course on Amphoreus history.

"I'm… not a Chrysos Heir, just someone trying to find her way through this area." You didn't want to break this kid's delusion, but it would be better than trying to lie your way and break his heart later on.

(Come to think of it, why didn't they immediately single you out as someone beyond the stars? You clearly don't look or sound like you belong here, but these children were willing to believe that you were one of them. You were about to introduce yourself as a Trailblazer, but something told you that it would land you into major trouble later on. Besides, do these people even know of the Trailblaze? Let's not confuse them anymore.)

"Oh," the boy visibly deflated, but immediately perked back up. "But that doesn't matter, thank you for saving us!" The young boy and girl launched themselves at you to give you a hug. You didn't know what to do except give them an awkward pat on the back. Still, they endeared you enough to earn a small smile on your face.

"It's not a big deal," you said as you kneeled down. "As long as you two are safe, then that's all that matters. Where are your parents though?" You wonder what parents would be neglectful enough to leave their children in a monster-infested area in this eternally dark place.

You regret asking that question so casually though, as the young girl's eyes tear up and she lets out small sniffles. She puts her hand over her mouth to quiet herself, but it doesn't do much to muffle her cries. The boy on the other hand looked away to the distance and bit his lips, trying to keep it from quivering. You commend his attempt to put on a strong front in front of his sister, but you could see right through his facade.

"Our parents were killed by the Black Tide while we were trying to escape to Okhema," the young boy murmured, almost like if he said it quietly enough, he could somehow will them back to existence. It's a hope that you had before. 

You didn't know how to comfort them. Even before your exile, your military upbringing always made it difficult for you to comfort civilians. In your line of work, where death is so common it could be counted as a part of your squadron, all you could do was bury your feelings along with your comrade and pray that you won't have to bring home another corpse. And that was the best-case scenario, better than having to look into their infected eyes and do the honours for yourself.

(Elysia was always good at comforting people, and you miss having her presence to take over in situations like this. Even Kevin's awkward fumbling when it came to this was charming enough to make people laugh and make them feel better. Not you though. No one wants comfort from a monster.)

You shake your head. You're not a monster anymore and these kids need more comfort than you need pity.

"I'm sorry for your loss, but we have to keep going." You wipe the tears falling from their faces, letting them put the full weight of their heads into your hands. With a softer voice, you continue. "I know it's hard, but it's not safe here. We'll go to Okhema and figure out the rest there, okay?"

They nod their heads and you can see the resolve building itself in their eyes. The boy picked up his sword and raised it in the air with a triumphant cry.

"Yeah! We'll get to Okhema and make the Black Tide pay for taking our home!" he loudly declared. Without waiting for you or his sister, he strutted away in what you hope is in the direction of Okhema. Not that you would stand a better chance if they relied on you on where to go.

"I'm sorry about my brother," the girl sighed. "Once he gets something in his head, he doesn't stop until he makes it come true." This sounds like an issue she's been long aware of.

"It's okay," you say as you stand up with a smile. You hold your hand out to her for her to hold, and once she does, you both take off to follow the brother. "As long as you stand by his side, you two will be able to do anything."

"That's right!" she hollered out, jumping in place before holding onto your hand. Their bond endeared you, your heart always warming when you see family stick together. You wonder about your own family back home, before you were thrown into Fire MOTH. They had long since passed due to the Honkai, slightly your fault. But your new family, the Flame-Chasers, had effortlessly taken their place. For longer than some of these planets have been around when you think of family, you think of the twelve shining soldiers standing in front of you. Ready were they to die for humanity, and you wished you were given the blessing to join them. Not yet though, you still have old debts to pay and retribution to collect. 

Taking these kids to Okhma has given you two things. The first was company to stop you from slipping into your thoughts and musings. With how loud and talkative they were, there wasn't a silent moment left for you to fill.

The second was some of the answers to the questions you have about this world.

The most important thing you learn is the names of the two children you saved. The young boy introduced himself and Aris and his younger sister as Pallas. Both hailed from the distant lands of Castrum Kremnos but never got to visit their homeland, as it had been infected by the Black Tide many years ago. Their ancestors had moved the Janusopolis, which was deemed safer due to the protection of the Titan, Janus. However, even that mighty city fell, as you were walking on her ruins today.

They mention the Black Tide, an evil that apparently has been taking over the entirety of this world. Apparently, it infects every living thing it touches, turning its lifeforms into dark and twisted versions of themselves, hellbent on consuming and destroying everything in its path. Supposedly it has no master, acting with no drive except the sole desire of annihilation. (If there was a camera nearby, you would have stared into it, asking the audience if they thought this was funny to them.)

They spoke of the twelve Titans that ruled over Amphoreus, the miracles they brought on and the devout worship from its peoples. As Children of Castrum Kremnos, both Aris and Pallas worshiped the Strife Titan, Nikador. Aris especially was excited to tell their tales of war and battle and of honour and sacrifice. Pallas had to be the one to solemnly let you know that the Titan had been infected by the Black Tide in their eternal battle with it. Now all that remains is a mindless beast that attacks anything living.

Finally, they explained the Chrysos Heirs and Demigods, the thing they accused you of being. Apparently, there was a prophecy that there would be twelve Chrysos Heirs, beings of golden blood, who would assume the authority of the Titans and lead this nation to an era of eternal peace. 

The more and more they told you about the world that you crash-landed on, the more uncomfortable you were over how eerily similar your life was to this universe's destiny. You knew that parallel universes meant parallel timelines, and that your story would be remixed across dimensions. You remember how Acheron reacted to your presence and your solemn sigh when you found out that you didn't survive in her story either. But you're one crazy coincidence away from grabbing your Trailblazers and nopeing the fuck out of this planet. You do not need to be traumatized– or you suppose retraumatized.

(You come to the realization that in every universe, within every timeline, you do not get a happy ending. Your only regret is that it seems like you keep on dragging your lover into your doomed destiny. Misery does indeed love company.)

On the bright side, Aris and Pallas did answer some of your questions. That still didn't solve the issue of your missing companions. You only hope that they haven't gotten into any trouble. 

The marble gates on Okhema greet you and your mini companions, and relief courses through your veins because finally, something is going right. Aris even ran ahead in excitement, ready to take on his new home. But he didn't see the falling stone in his peripheral vision, his tunnel vision set on the crumbling gate. Luckily you did, jumping into the air to slice to rock before it could fall on the poor boy.

Of course, just your luck. Trouble had to find you first.

You were skeptical that Okhema was considered a safe haven when all you could see were those same stone monsters that you saved the children from. Titankin, you remember Aris calling them that. 

You push the two children behind you, eyes darting back and forth between the Titankin surrounding the three of you. You could see the guards past the hordes of statues, but you had a feeling that they wouldn't be able to get to you in time. No matter, you get cornered once, you get cornered a thousand times. 

Through the gaps of the stone wall closing in on you, you can see what you assume are Okheman guards trying to fight off the Titankin. You were just about to summon more of your lances, but before you could, you and the children were surrounded by a wall of red crystal.

You couldn't see through the solid red crystal, but you could hear the sounds of the Titankin crumbling back into the stone they came from. There was the sound of a man grunting, but it was so soft that you assumed that he wasn't exerting too much effort like these stone statues were nothing to him.

(Jealousy bubbled in you. That would be you had your powers not come with destructive consequences.)

A moment later, there was silence. The three of you stayed still with bated breath, eager to discover the result of the battle. One crack appeared in the crystal, followed by another. You throw yourself over the children to prevent them from the shards of the crumbling wall falling around you. 

You look up and in the distance stands the man who was responsible for this destruction.

Blond hair with red dyed tips, he had a tall stature with muscle and scars you could assume he only gained through constant battle. The fabric pooling around his lower body did nothing to hide the red markings on his chest, a warning for his enemies to stay away. But what captured you were his eyes. A deep red with a fire that you have only seen in one man, a very long time ago.

Kalpas…?

You dare not speak his name out loud, not wanting to make this more real than it already was. 

But it seemed like you weren't the only one staring at a ghost.

A look of recognition? Of longing? Of fear? You couldn't tell because it disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. He only gave himself a split second of vulnerability before he reminded himself that he was a soldier and this was a battlefield. The only reunion either of you has time for is the one you will have with death. This was a sentiment you are all too familiar with.

"Lord Mydeimos!" Aris exclaimed. You trusted his judgement enough to give this man the barest amount of benefit of the doubt.

Mydeimos looked you up and down, taking note of your foreign clothing. His eyes singled out the golden ticket pendant you have, and you could only assume that he'd seen the ticket recently.

"Your comrades are on their way to Nikador at Marmoreal Palace," Mydeimos stated. You sighed with relief. Dan Heng and Stelle were alive and they had some sort of help with them. Still unnerved over the ghost standing in front of you, you looked back at the two kids standing behind you, your mind already set on your next steps.

"She can't fight Nikador! She's not an Heir," Pallas cried out, moving to stand in front of you. She was trying to stop you from what she believes is you throwing your life away. Her older brother joined her protest, saying how it would be better if Mydeimos went and fought Nikador himself.

"You'll look after the children?" you ask, but it is more of a command than a question. You made sure to reflect the light of the sun against your blade, making it visible and knowing what would happen to him if the children weren't safe.

He gave no response except for a quick nod, and that was enough for you, so long as he understood the consequences of his failure.

The children were in tears when you told them that you would go to Marmoreal Palace. They cry and plead for you to stay and have someone else deal with this, but you were never good at letting other people help you.

"I will be okay." You gave them a hug, trying to pour a little bit of relief into their bodies so they'd stop worrying. "Stay with Lord Mydeimos, he'll keep you safe," you ordered them both. You pull away from the hug and they nod, having learned that following your directions has kept them alive so far.

"This is not a goodbye. I will find you two again." This wasn't going to be another empty promise that you were going to break.

"You better come back to us!" Aris demanded, before running to hide behind the blond man, Pallas following closely behind him.

Before you could ask where the fuck Marmoreal Palace even was, a golden thread appeared out of nowhere, leading your eyes to a large building on the horizon. Well, that answered your question. 

Mydeimos may have mentioned something about Aglaea guiding your way, but you didn't care to stay and listen. Immediately, you run off to follow the golden thread, hoping that you'll be able to get there in time to save their asses once again.

But even at your top speed, it still took you time to run over to the Palace. Time that you used to absorb the fact that you just saw Kalpas again. It was one thing for you or Kevin or Elysia had counterparts across the universe, but Kalpas? It meant that there was a chance that the rest of the Flame-Chasers were alive. That you would see him again, even if it's not the man you fell in love with.

It was one thing to hear Acheron's story. This is going to be a whole trainwreck that you weren't emotionally prepared enough to deal with. But then again, how do you prepare to see the friends that you carelessly murdered? Were you ready to face your sins, Destroyer?

You don't know which outcome you hope for more. That your past would just leave you alone and die just like your world did. Or that you would see your friends again, albeit in a completely different scenario. You would do anything to see Kevin, yes, but only if it's your Kevin. The boy who would hold all your shopping bags in one hand just so that he can keep one hand free to hold you. The man who held you to his chest to stop you from ending your life prematurely. Who held you in your final moments.

That's who you want, not some cheap imitation that could never reach your man. No offence to this world's Kevin.

You hear the grunts inside the palace before you see the mechanical creature surrounded by the fountain and the same golden thread that guided you here. To be honest, the Titan didn't seem that impressive. Sure it's massive, but size never equals power and you know that one slash from your greatsword would be enough to finish it off.

(History may remember the Judgment of Shamash as Kevin's weapon, but you and the sword knew who was its true owner. He was just keeping it warm, sharp and ready for your return.)

Your greatsword feels like home in your hands, and you revel in her power coursing through your veins.

("She's just as beautiful and destructive as you are." An amused voice spoke up, followed by strong arms wrapping around your waist. A mop of white hair tickled the skin on your neck. You wish you could bottle this moment and experience it for an eternity.)

You could see your two companions, as well as a white-haired knight fighting against the Titan. You knew what your next action should be.

Without a chance to hesitate about your own decision, you charge forward toward the Titan, flames blazing behind you. They gave you enough speed and strength to slice Nikador in half. You don't see their dismembered body, but the thud on the ground gives you the impression that you won the fight.

It was strange that they went down so easily, but your worried thoughts were cut off by your gray-haired chaos machine jumping into your arms.

"You're alive!" Stelle held you up in her arms, squeezing the Herrscher core out of you. You could feel your lungs collapsing in your chest with the strength of her hug. It was only when Dan Heng came over to pry your favourite baseball player off of you that you could finally breathe.

"It's good to see you too," you say with fondness. Things are always lively when you have your fellow Astral Express members around, and you know your mission on Amphoreus was just about to get more interesting. "I trust that you have been keeping out of trouble." The guilty look on Dan Heng's face and the nervous chuckle from Stelle made you sigh. You wouldn't have your idiots act any other way.

"Well, we had help," Dan Heng explained. "We were lucky to meet some of the locals before fighting the Titankin." You're grateful that they were able to have more guidance than you did. Not that you weren't thankful for Aris and Pallas. You should probably check on them sooner than later.

"Please! We did most of the work anyways." Stelled crossed her arms, a pout on her face. She pointed to someone or something behind you with an accusatory point. "The only thing Phainon did was steal my bat and break Cloud Piercer!"

You sigh, already knowing that Stelle added her usual dramatic flair to what has happened. You make a note to ask Dan Heng for a more accurate recount of events. This poor Phainon didn't have to catch her backhanded comments, especially if he was keeping them safe.

You turn around to thank this white knight, but you can't get the words out once you see his face. 

Snow white hair. Piercing blue eyes. Even his clothes were a close replica of Kevin's. You almost didn't want him to speak, in fear that he also sounded like him. This was it, the one thing you feared. Knowing that there were alternate versions of your lover. A million lives that he can lead. A million heartbreaks waiting to happen.

It seems that this Kevin– Phainon had the same thoughts going through his head. But unlike you, his body couldn't hold the weight of his pain. He fell to his knees and it took everything in you to not hold him to your chest. The familiar words of comfort lay at the tips of your tongue, but they wouldn't be heard by the person who they were meant to, just a familiar stranger.

"Starlight..." his voice wobbled. Your soul left your body, leaving behind an aching heart at the sight of his watery eyes. Or maybe it was just your tears blurring your vision. Another memory you kept buried forced its way into your consciousness. 

("Starlight, really?" You raise your eyebrows at the cheesy name. "Can't you be a little less romantic?")

(His laugh or the heavenly trumpets filled the air. He took a string from your hoodie (that you were borrowing from him) and kissed it, his old habits never leaving him. Kevin knew he was able to touch you, the sub-zero temperature not affecting you. But ever the gentleman, he did everything he could to keep you safe. Really, that should have been your job.)

("Your eyes sparkle under the stars, and you are the only light who is keeping me tethered to this world." He let go of the drawstring and pulled you in for a kiss. You put your hands around his neck and swayed in his arms, overwhelmed by the rare peace your snowstorm brought you.)

("You're making it harder to pull away from you," you mumble against his lips. You had to go to a briefing for a solo mission in an hour, but you weren't ignorant of the double meaning of your words. You knew he was too smart to let it go over his head. With every Herrscher that fell, you could feel the Honkai tightening its grip around your soul. Despite everything you could do to fight it, everyone knew it was only a matter of time before the Honkai took over and you reset the universe.)

(You had it drilled into your conscious that it would be better for you to die in some corner if only to buy this world some time.)

(He absolutely hated that sentiment, going borderline feral any time someone brought up that cursed plan. The one time that you had brought it up, you weren't allowed to leave his bed for a week, for fear that if he let you go, you would go to the void and he would have no choice but to follow you. You never want him dying on your behalf. Humanity needs its hero and you were not selfish enough to take that away from it.)

("So don't go," he growled, kissing you with more passion this time. He pulled you closer, chest firmly pressed up against yours. Even if he knew what was to come, you know that he would forsake any prophecy to keep you here.)

(This kiss was everything you wished you had time to tell each other. I love you. I want you. I miss you, even though you're standing in front of me. I'm scared. I don't know what's coming next. I wish things were different.)

(I love you. I love you. I love you.)

(For the longest time, you thought that this would be enough for you. That you could hold onto these memories to keep you warm.)

"Ms. (Y/N)..." 

Dan Heng's voice snapped you out of your trip down memory lane. You didn't even realize the golden-haired lady appearing right in front of you. 

You clear your throat and wipe the tears from your eyes. This was all getting too much for you, and you were desperate to break something to make you feel better. That didn't exclude you. But your team needed you to be on your best behaviour, even if it was just to have a steady leader to guide them through this mission.

"I'm fine, Dan Heng," you whispered to him. You knew he wasn't a fool to miss your shaky smile, but you were thankful that he had the tact to at least ask about it later.

"New allies of Okhema, welcome to Amphoreus." The golden-haired lady spoke up, her voice soothing your early stress and anxieties. It reminded you of how Aponia used to casually manipulate the Fire MOTH soldiers to stop harassing you, saying that it was only in her interest to have someone in power indebted to you. Looks like you were finally getting the chance to pay her back for everything she has done for you. 

"While this welcome banquet is far from elegant, it has helped to remove any misgivings we had," she— Aglaea, continued. You side-eyed Dan Heng and Stelle, hoping that her doubts were due to her own skepticism and not any actions taken by the two. "From this moment forth, you shall be treated as distinguished guests of the holy city and the Chrysos heirs."

'Nice to be welcomed from the start,' you thought to yourself.

There is something odd about her beautiful eyes, seeming unfocused. They look like they were looking through you rather than at you. The whispers from two trailblazers behind you confirmed that they picked up on that fact too. 

"Curious about my eyesight?" she asks, and you note her heightened perception. Typical of someone who is the alternate universe version of Aponia, and you make sure to tell the other two to keep your unflattering thoughts to yourself. Especially Stelle. Lord knows what's going to come out of her mouth.

She went on to explain how every Chrysos Heirs had an ability that was unique to each individual. How she doesn't rely on traditional sight to perceive the world around you. Perhaps it wasn't the exact same manipulation that Aponia was able to achieve, but it did make you feel wary of someone who can 'hear' conversation from across the city. 

There was something else about her eyes that you noticed. They were seemingly dead, with no emotion in them. But they still looked at you with a sad longing— it made you feel sick to your stomach. Can these people stop looking at you with pity? Do they not know of the disaster that you would bring to them? 

You tried to ignore the gaze Phainon was giving you, his icy eyes giving off heat that could only rival the sun.

"A manifestation of Nikador…" Phainon spoke up with disdain in his voice. You were so close to ripping his vocal cords out just to end your suffering. How dare he steal your lover's voice and force you to listen to it. An indignant and petty part of you hoped that he was suffering as much as you were. You had a feeling that he was. "Could it be that my trial has not arrived yet?" he asked, more to himself than to anyone else. 

"By following the threads of fate, you have begun to write the opening chapter of your story. How do you feel?" Aglaea countered his question with her own. 

"Truth be told, I don't feel any different," he answered. "I anticipated a greater challenge." You roll your eyes, of course, he would say that. Were all versions of Kevin so willing to take on the greatest challenge on their own?

You tune out the rest of their conversation, not really caring about the plans they had to counter the invasion. 

What? The plan was a success and there were few casualties. Back in your world, this was seen as a blessing. 

Besides, you need more time to process truly what the fuck is going on. You try not to, but you can't help but spare small glances towards Phainon. It aggravates you how truly and utterly similar he was to Kevin. He would always joke with you that it would always be you two in every universe, that his soul was tied to yours for eternity. Mei would pipe up with some smart and cynical comment about how technically every possibility exists under String Theory.

("Mei!" he whined, sending a glare to the poor girl. "I was trying to woo her!")

("You're such a dumbass," you said. It didn't stop you from smiling like a fool. "I'm already your partner, you don't need to woo me." You ruffle his hair and pinch his cheek. God, he was adorable— and he's yours. Just yours.)

("But I want to treat you right, starlight," he pouted, forehead resting on yours. "Want to be the man that is deserving of you." For him, you would relive every single awful and forced action the Honkai put you through for him.)

(Before you could say anything, a beach ball hit the back of your lover's head. He rubbed it and glared at the idiot who was dumb enough to ruin his moment with you.)

("You're a dead man Su!" he yelled, racing straight towards the scholar. You were scared that he was going to use his full might against the poor man. God. You love your man so fucking much.)

You scoffed, thanking the Lord that Welt wasn't on this mission. The old man would have suffered heart attack after heart attack for every new revelation.

Your amusement wasn't as quiet as you thought. 

"Is something funny?" Aglaea asks, raising her eyebrow towards. Oh fuck, it would be so embarrassing if you were the one who started the trouble.

"It was nothing, my lady." You clear your throat. "My mind tends to wander." The smile Phainon gave you didn't go over your head. Even Aglaea shook her head in amusement.

"Distinguished guests, since you have spared no effort in aiding the holy city, I will naturally take care of you as well." How sweet of her— oh, like hell you're going to take her offer her at face value. But still, you could use a little R&R. "I've woven many unforeseen events into the tapestry of fate, this is but one instance." Always the wildcard, never the intended. 

"Thank you for your hospitality, my lady." You bowed your head in appreciation. You glare at the other two the same way a mother would glare when her children forgot to thank someone. Thankfully you trained them well enough to pick up on your signal. You turn back to Aglaea. "Truly it was our pleasure to help out however we can."

"You can find me at Marmoreal Market after you've grown tired of listening to her tales," Phainon offers, but he hesitates to look you in your eyes. You didn't take any offence since you were struggling with the same thing. "In any case, I owe you my hospitality."

"We look forward to you treating us, Phainon." The softness in your voice wasn't intended, but it bled its way regardless of your best effort. "Just to warn you, this one will make a dent in your wealth if you treat us to food," you quip while pointing to Stelle, earning you a pinch and a pout from the baseballer.

He didn't say anything to respond, but he walked away with a wistful and painful smile on his face.

"Now then, where should we begin?" Aglaea said, and you don't miss the challenge in her voice.

After placing the Trailblaze Beacon down, Aglaea took you to the centre of Marmoreal Palace. You stand underneath the fountain listening to the spirit water tell the story of this land. Many of the details lined up with what Aris and Pallas had told you, but it filled in some of the gaps that they had left out. You hope that they have found a safe place for them to stay.

"The way up from here leads to a bath that the Council granted exclusively to the Chrysos Heirs," she explains as your group walks back to the waterfall. "I'm willing to make an exception, considering you're guests from beyond the sky…"

"But you have your traditions to maintain," you finish her thought with your arms crossed.

"Precisely," she confirms. Her eyes lingered on Stelle, clearly wanting her to go to the baths with her. But you think that she wouldn't do anything without your express permission. 

"Go up with her Stelle, me and Dan Heng will wait down here for you." You didn't take your eyes off of Aglaea with a clear intention in your eyes. If anything happened to her, you would tear Amphoreus up with your own bare hands. You found yourself giving out more threats than you have in past missions. You couldn't help it, this world is designed to aggravate you to no end.

These people may have the skin of your family, but they were still unknown threats to you. Not that it mattered. You killed your friends once, and you could do it again.

(Yes, princess, the voices spoke up in your head. Return to your roots. Return to the purpose of your existence.)

"You have a considerate partner." She gestures to the elevator platform. "Follow me." You watch the two go up and away to the private baths.

Not even a second goes by when Dan Heng voices his concerns.

"Are you alright?" he hesitantly asks. "Ever since you saw Phainon, you've been more distracted, and don't think I didn't see the threat in your eyes that you've been giving everyone."

"It's complicated," you sigh. The truth was going to come out eventually. "Do you remember how me and Welt were taken aback when we met Acheron?" You turn to look at him as you wait for his answer.

"I do, Welt said that she was like someone you met on your world," he answers.

"That's right." You bite your lip trying to find the words to say your next thought. "Being on Amphoreus… It's like that but so much worse," you confessed. "The people you've met were people I deeply cared about back home." You shudder at your own vulnerability, but you trust Dan Heng more than you feel the pain when bringing back these memories. You opened your mouth to try and explain your weird relationship with Phainon, but you couldn't will your mind turn its thoughts into sound.

"I see…" You didn't expect him to know how to respond, but he ponders for a response anyway. "Do you think your past might give us some insight into this world?"

"If it does, then I know that this world was fucked before we even stepped foot here," you scoff. The dark thought of killing your alternate self on this world, just so that you could prove that this and any planet with you on it was better off dead. 

Dan Heng puts a hand on your shoulder, and you smile at his awkward yet endearing attempt at comforting you. It kind of makes you wish March was here as well, her bubbly energy always giving you a sense of levity to any situation.

"I may not know your whole story, but me and Stelle will stand by you no matter what." If anyone knew what it was like to have a horrid past, it would be Dan Heng. The experience of being hated for something you never did was something you both shared, and it warms your heart that you have found people who will stand by your side no matter what. A luxury you weren't afforded often, but one you cherish all the same.

You nod your head with a smile, not trusting your voice to stop itself from breaking down into tears. It helps that Stelle was heading down to the two of you, another welcome distraction from the warring thoughts in your head.

Stelle starts to tell you what Aglaea had told her. Most of it was extra information added to the fairy tales that the children have told you. You had a feeling that this world was not aware of what lies beyond its firmament, but you didn't know it was something that was outright hidden from them. Whatever, their world, their rules. You have no intention to break them.

But one fact has surprised you, a pit falling in your stomach and your heart somehow aching more than it has been. 

"This is Amphoreus' Flame-Chase journey — a band of heroes dedicated to slaying the gods and reclaiming the twelve Coreflames for the world to start over anew."

The Flame-Chasers haunt you wherever you go. Your past digging its claws into your flesh. Your eternal punishment for the sins you have committed. You wonder if this version of you has realized their destiny, the burden they must carry to the end. 

"Hm, there's still a lot about this situation that we don't know." You cross your arms and look up to the private baths. "Why don't you two go and talk to some of the locals? Get a feel for the situation."

"And what will you do—" Dan Heng started to ask before Stelle cut him off.

"Oooooh, you're going to talk to Phainon! I saw the heart eyes you were giving him– Ow!" You're thankful that Dan Heng had the tact to elbow Stelle. You love her, but her mouth really had a way of getting into trouble.

"I want to check up on something." You hold both of their shoulders and plead with them. "Do not, under any circumstances, get into any trouble. I may not know Aglaea all that well, but she doesn't seem like the type to tolerate the slightest subordination." You shudder when you think of how Aponia would act when something didn't go her way.

"Don't you worry, I'll keep Dan Heng out of trouble!" Stelle yelled out before walking out of the baths. Dan Heng sighed and assured you that he would keep an eye on her, before following her.

You give yourself a second, trying to let your brain catch up with the last few hours or so. Your heart clenched and started beating erratically, panic and adrenaline flooding your system. This was getting too much for you to handle and you were one wrong encounter away from collapsing onto the floor in a catatonic state. But you couldn't give in to your fear, you have people depending on you. People who trust you to not let them down.

("Breathe, Starlight," he whispered into your ear. His cold arms kept you grounded amongst the field of corpses around you. "I got you, nothing is going to happen, I promise." He smiled and you almost believed him. But despite the heavens he tried to move and the hell he tried to raise, he was still mortal and you were his God. There was nothing he could do to change your fate.)

(Huh, there wasn't blood flowing from the corpses, but a weird orange energy. That wasn't exactly how you remembered how the battle went.)

You must have zoned out for quite a while because before you know it, you walk through the same streets you ran through to get to the battle. Despite the chaos that was occurring a couple of hours ago, everything seemed to go back to normal. The vendors went back to selling their produce, the lovers were walking through the streets with wistful smiles and the children were playing like they should.

"Ms. (Y/N)!" was the only warning you got before you almost collapsed under the two children you saved. 

"I'm glad that you're ok!" you smile as you bend down to give your two kids a hug. Joy replaced the earlier panic, happy that there was something good that happened during your time here. "I trust that Lord Mydeimos took good care of you?" 

Aris nodded while explaining how cool Lord Mydeimos – apparently he insists on just being called 'Mydei' – was, with his amazing strength and incredible knowledge on the battlefield. He tried, and failed, to recreate the fighting moves that Mydei used. 

"He said that if I practice enough, I can be an even better warrior than him!" 

"You still have quite a ways to go before you will reach Mydei's level."

Phainon's voice came out of nowhere, giving you a bit of a scare. He stood in front of the children, a smile on his face and hands on his hips. The children were happy to have another one of the Chrysos Heirs giving them attention. Phainon didn't seem to mind, laughing as the children took their turns treating him like a jungle gym.

You thought about having children, once upon a time. You'd crush those ideas before they could turn into something tangible, for fear that you would pass down your Herrscher curse to your children. Would this be what your life would be like if you weren't forced to bear the world's burden?

 "Aris! Pallas! It's time for dinner!" You look up to see an old woman calling out to the children. Thank goodness the children had someone in Okhema to take care of them. You weren't ready to become an impromptu mother to two kids, especially with your grown children to take care of.  

"Coming Grandma!" the kids respond, but they don't leave without almost knocking you over again with another hug. You make them promise again to stay out of trouble, and that you will always be there for them if they call out your name. 

"Those kids seem to like you." Phainon took his place next to you, eyes scanning Marmoreal Palace for any trouble that he may need to help with. He didn't look at you, and you don't think you have the heart to look at him.

"Oh you know, save a child's life and they feel indebted to you for eternity," you chuckle, trying to relieve your nerves and the awkward tension in the air. 

Neither of you know what to say. You could see Phainon opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the right words to say. Your own brain started to hurt with the amount of thinking you were doing, wanting to gather the answers you needed while protecting your own heart. There was only one way for this to end and that was in shared vulnerability. But you don't think you have it in you to be vulnerable in front of another man, even if he looks and sounds eerily like your dearly departed.

Luckily, Phainon was willing to bite the first bullet.

"Your ring is beautiful," he spoke up, eyes focusing on the blue gem around your neck. You instinctively hold it in your hand, finding relief in its biting cold. "The man who must have given it to you must have cared about you dearly."

"He did…" you trail off with a smile, letting yourself revel in the good memories without letting the bad ones taint what you have left of him. The cold from the gold brought you more comfort than you care to admit.

"If you don't mind me asking– and of course if you don't want to answer I completely understand–" Phainon goes on a tangent about not wanting to make you uncomfortable but that he was really curious. About what, he hasn't even told you yet. You put a hand on his shoulder, slowly and with hesitation, giving him enough time to pull away if he pleases to do so.

"It's alright, Phainon, just ask me what you wish to know," you reassure him with a smile.

"Were you married to someone back home?" His hands started fidgeting with his own ring finger like he was missing something there. (It just so happens that the ring you hold was an exact match for the one he was going to give his partner.)

It's the question many people ask you when they see the ring. Who's the lucky guy who captured your heart, many would ask. You'd always counter that you were the lucky one for having Kevin choose you. He was and forever will be the greatest thing that has happened to you, and you will carry that with you wherever you go. You may not have had the wedding of your dreams, but you were his. In sickness and health, till death do you part and a little bit beyond that. You don't need a legally signed paper to tell you what your soul already knows.

("Things are getting out of hand out there," he said as he knelt down to one knee. "I may not be able to give you everything that you deserve, but let me give you this one thing." He pulled the ring out of his pocket and your eyes started to blur with tears. "My heart, my love and my soul will forever belong to you. No matter where life takes you, I want you to remember that I will always be with you as long as you wear this ring." Ice started to form on his cheeks.)

("So, Starlight, my sun on a cold winter day, will you do the honours of marrying me? In this life or the next?)

(You never answered a question more quickly in your life.)

"That's hard to explain." How else can you explain that not even the day after, your closest friend and confidant revealed that she was also a Herrscher and that she sacrificed herself for future generations. How you lost your mind and became a force of destruction, ending all life in sight. That it took the combined power of all the living Flame-Chasers just to seal you away. That you spent the last fifty thousand years in exile only to be released with the death of your lover. 

Phainon has a bright heart, and it reminded you of Kevin's before the responsibilities as the Deliverance took its full toll on him. Who were you to reveal him to the true horrors of his fate before he was ready? So you tell him a sanitized version until he is ready to hear your whole story. Until you're able to recount your life as objectively as possible, without driving yourself mad with what-ifs.

"We didn't know how much time we had left, so he proposed to me with hopes that we'll get married once the threat to our world was over." A bitter side of you wished to demand more time, and you've come to just appreciate the time that you had. You continue with your story, "he was right. The day after the proposal, our entire world fell apart." You don't add the fact that you were to blame for its destruction.

If the Amphoreus version of you will play the same role that you did, then you wish to preserve their image in Phainon's mind for a little bit longer.

"My apologies, I didn't mean to bring up such awful memories." Phainon was so chivalrous, it made you want to shake him by the shoulders and tell him that it's okay if he doesn't appear heroic for two seconds. He better learn this lesson before he burns himself out.

"The thing is that in between the awful memories – and trust me, there were some shit times – there are memories that I will cherish until I die." Your first birthday party after the eruption you caused, the night Kevin confessed his feelings for you, the brief hope you had when you thought your powers were under your control. These are the memories that shine through the despair you felt. And now with the Astral Express, you can create new memories that will drown out the darkness that you carry.

"You learn how to continue to live despite everything," you smile softly as you turn to look at him. Phainon's eyes were wide and hanging off of every word that you were saying. Maybe to him, the words you were saying were the Gospel he would hold close to his heart, letting them imprint themselves onto his soul. Or maybe, he was blurring the lines between you and someone else. 

"Even when it hurts?" His voice stuttered, more broken than what you expected. His heart had already gone through unimaginable pain, you fear. Your instincts kicked in, wanting to shield him away from the world that had nothing but cruel plans for him.

You couldn't protect your Kevin, but you could at the very least protect Phainon.

(It's too late, for his fate was sealed thirty-three million, five hundred and fifty thousand, three hundred and thirty-six cycles ago. But with you here now, perhaps you can create enough disruption to end his suffering. You of all people should know what it's like to be locked away. You would do anything to prevent another from suffering the same fate.)

"You have people that rely on you, Phainon," you remind him. "For people like– for you, there is no break from your fate, as unfair as that sounds."

His shoulders slump and his lips start to pout. Clearly, this wasn't the answer that he wanted to hear, but you wouldn't want to lull him in a false sense of security. 

You continue to look at him, trying to see past the ghosts that haunt you. For all the similarities Phainon and Kevin share, there were some differences. Kevin carried himself with calculated confidence, always trying to seem like he was in control. He'd only confide with you in private that most of it was a ruse to psych himself into believing in the future. As time went on, he became even more of a recluse, and the rare smile he'd share on some occasions was all but gone.

Phainon on the other hand wore his heart on his sleeve. He smiled freely, he cared fiercely and he wasn't afraid to hide any of his emotions. You wish to keep him like this, happy that at least in one world, you were able to see your lover before disaster. 

You only met Kevin after he'd joined the Fire MOTH, and you didn't get to really know him until years after your deployment. You never got to meet the carefree version of him from Su or Mei's stories. 

"There was a boy and a girl that I knew, once upon a time." Your voice had piqued his attention and all traces of that sad, puppy expression had disappeared. You continue on with your story.

"The girl's fate was sealed from the moment she was born. A terrible darkness was sealed inside of her, and it was only a matter of time before it would take over her being." You take a deep breath before you continue. "We call these beings 'Herrschers'." How could a word mean nothing to one person, but chill you to your bones?

"But despite what her destiny had decreed, she did everything in her power to fight against the darkness. It was almost futile, but she held such a deep love for humanity that it fueled her desire to win." Would the bright-eyed rookie all those years ago be proud of who you are? Of all the damage you caused and tried to fix and undo?

"The boy on the other hand had all the choice in the world." You almost lose yourself in another memory, catching yourself before you do. "He could have lived his life in relative peace, but he chose to fight."

"Because he too had a deep love for humanity?" Phainon asked.

"You're not wrong, but not exactly. He gained a new reason when he fell in love with the girl." You look towards the Dawn Machine, the closest thing this planet has to a sun. "He promised to keep her safe from fate, to defy anything that stood in his way."

Before he stood on his knee to ask for your hand in marriage, he stood before you, vowing to keep you away from anything that would bring you harm, including yourself.

("Even when the Honkai makes you unrecognizable, I will always fight to find the woman I love within." A knight swearing to his princess, an oath written in blood and stardust. There was no one that would come in between him and you, the beautiful end. You make a silent oath to yourself to never let him have to choose between you or the world.)

"In the end, they both failed to achieve their goals. The darkness that she so desperately tried to conceal did exactly what she was afraid of." The distant screams and prayers have become white noise to you. "And the boy couldn't save her from her fate, and so he had to kill her. And her revival only could happen after the boy killed himself. " You were glad that your last sight was of Kevin's face. You only wish his eyes weren't blurred by his tears. You only wish that you were there to provide him the same comfort.

Phainon took a sharp breath, not expecting the story to end so bleakly. The light in his eyes started to dim and his hands were shaky at his side. If he thought you were going to give him hope that everything would be okay, then he was speaking to the wrong person. 

His voice is solemn, unlike the cheerful tone he had thus far. 

"Are all of our fates destined to be that bleak?" he asks with a woeful tone. You could tell he didn't want to accept such a notion, but sometimes there is simply nothing you could do except to welcome the inevitable.

That was not the lesson you wanted Phainon to leave with.

"Maybe yes, maybe no," you muse with a smile. From the corner of your eyes, Phainon tilts his head at your light tone. You continue on with the moral of your story. "If you ask the girl, she'd probably tell you that she doesn't regret a thing."

"What do you mean?" Phainon is skeptical but doesn't shut you down.

"She met the love of her life, had a great group of friends that she called family, and even if it was for a brief amount of time, she was able to help protect her home. Sure, she wishes things ended differently, but she's come to learn that that's how life goes sometimes." You didn't know when you became so optimistic, but it was leagues better than being miserable all the time.

You miss him. Desperately so with an ache in your soul. Sometimes you stay up in the middle of the night, feeling the faint connection between your heart and his. But you have since grown without him, and slowly, you were filling the void with new friends and new loves. Himeko's awful coffee. Welt's science jokes that no one gets but him. The trio and all the chaos that they get into.

You wish Kevin could see you now. He'd be crying to see the woman who's so haunted by her past being able to let go and find peace. It's a long process, and a very slow one, but the best time to start is today. 

Just as Phainon brings you hope that there could be a version of your story that has a happy ending, you hope that your story shows him that there is life beyond tragedy. That even the darkest times cannot stay forever. He just needs to persevere through all of it, and you know he will.

When you arrived on Amphoreus and learned of its peculiarity, you were scared that all the little healing that you had done was for nothing. 

Now? It was just a sign of how far you have come. That you weren't sobbing at the sight and sound of Phainon. Truthfully, you think that you have gained a new friend and you are thankful for that.

"That was… a beautiful story," he sniffles as wipes his tears. You didn't mean to make the poor man cry, but at least he was comfortable sharing his emotions with you.

You thank him and continue to gaze beyond the horizon, a sense of peace that you haven't felt in millennia overcoming you. The awkward energy gave away to two people basking in the painful reminders of what it means to be human. A human who feels too much and a monster who doesn't feel at all, or at least that is what you tell yourself. You were coming to terms that maybe you aren't the monster everyone thought you were.

"When I first saw you, I couldn't help but compare you to my partner," he confesses with shame. "I was so… furious that you were just standing there while they were gone." His fists clenched, not with anger but with determination. "But now I understand that you too have lost your lover, and that our pain is shared."

"However, I am sorry, I refuse to share our destiny." He stood with a fire in his eyes. "I will not lose Amphoreus or my partner to the Black Tide or any other threat that comes in the future."

Echoes of the past whispered in your ear. "Humanity will never lose hope for as long as they call me their hero, their Deliverer." 

"Good," you snark, and a little bit of your old self starts to bleed through. "I expect nothing less, Deliverer." 

He smiles and pounds his fist against his heart, another oath made to you. Hopefully, this one will be kept.

"I, Phainon of Aedes Elysiae,  swear to you that I will see the Flame-Chase to the end, and that I will grant Amphoreus the happy ending we all deserve," he said with conviction, the same that you have heard from over the years. The desire to save your home isn't exclusive to one dying world, and you can extend your desire to other people.

"Then Phainon of Aedes of Elysiae," you start as you place a fist against your own heart, "I, (Y/N) of the Trailblaze swear that I will help however I can save Amphoreus from the Black Tide, and bring you to the Era Nova." You will not let another dying world fall.

In his excitement, Phainon lunges towards you and gives you a hug. His arms wrapped your back and lifted you up in the air. Your surprised shriek let him know that while this hug wasn't unwelcome, a warning would have done you good.

With renewed vigour, you and Phainon continue to walk through Marmoreal Market, with him pointing out all the stalls and the stories behind each of them. You laugh at his dramatic recreation, completely enchanted by the way he carries himself. In another life, he would have made for a fine historian. 

It wasn't until you passed a funeral home that Phainon spoke up to ask you another question.

"Have you ever thought about death?" he asks with such innocent curiosity that it almost distracts you from the morbid question.

"Do you think I'm going to die soon?" you counter with a question of your own, happy with the panic you caused him. He stopped and turned around like a deer in headlights, and he let out another ramble to excuse himself.

"No! That is definitely not what I meant," he trembled in place, his hands waving around in surrender. "It's just that I've always thought about it – you know being a warrior, you never know when your time will come – and it's something I ask everyone. Though I understand if that seems odd, especially to an outsider. Please forgive me!" How he said that in one breath was a miracle. You need to calm him down before he bows– oh, there he goes. Bobbing his head up and down like he will be able to repent his sins.

"I haven't given it a lot of thought to be honest." Your voice snaps him out of repentance and gives you his utmost attention. "All I know is that I wish to be buried in a wedding dress," you smile. "He better have planned the biggest party for me." 

"If I were to die alongside you, I expect an invitation as well." That much was obvious, but you hope he survives longer than you do if only to enjoy the happy ending he rightfully deserves. You also don't want to face the wrath of Amphoreus you for taking their man away from them so soon.

You were not his. He is not yours. The eerie similarities don't make up for the history that you share with your respective lovers. But in the shared details of your story, you find comfort that there are people like you, who face trials and tribulations beyond human comprehension. But at the same time, different enough to avoid the same doom you had to go through.

This is supposed to be a romantic story after all.

Just when you thought that all could end well, Lady Triannon comes running towards you, crying out to yourself and Phainon.

"Snowy! Come quick! Aglaea is going to execute Grayie and Dan Heng!" You don't respond, just running after her to save your idiots from their own poor decision-making.

You didn't think your life would come to this, but like you said earlier, you wouldn't change it for a damn thing.

–

(Beyond Calamity's Gate, there is an emanator waiting for their lover to fulfill the prophecy to set them free. They could only hope that he would be able to stop them from destroying the land they have come to love, and become the hero he was meant to be.)

(In another universe, there stood a man on the moon who barely escaped Death's hands. A girl with your eyes told him that you were okay, just exploring beyond the stars. He thinks that you deserved it after the sacrifices you made, but that didn't stop his longing to be with you again. He will find you, just like he promised all those years ago.)

given that all of this was written before 3.4, forgive me for the hopefulish ending ;-; mayhaps i'll write this from phainon's pov one day hehehe

may phainon wanters be phainon havers in the year of our lord 2025!!!

[kittskritters]

Gilbert was a Golden Retriever and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Let me start this off with the disclaimer that no dog, regardless of breed or appearance, should be shot, maimed, or harmed in anyway, unprovoked. This is more me talking about symbolism and how (Western) society interprets different breeds of dogs.

The man who broke into the house of and murdered Melissa and Mark Hortman also shot and killed their dog, Gilbert. It has been haunting me a bit, honestly.

It’s not the exact same thing, but this rings similar to those who kill a child, or elderly member of the family they have bad blood with. Just killing another living being who has zero relation to what you are so upset over. It is sickening.

Of course, it is reprehensible to murder a politician who dedicated her entire life to actually caring for her community, which is so rare amongst people in her field of work and incredibly sought after, but he also killed her husband, Mark, and then their Golden Retriever. It is so morbidly poetic that Gilbert was such a beloved breed of dog, famous for their kind and gentle nature. Goldens are the family pet in the United States and Canada. Everything we are taught about them from childhood is that they are our best friends and great playmates. Videos of them protecting children and playing carefully with infants consistently go viral. We can’t get enough of them. Personally, my favorites have always been the ones with the rich red coats.

Picture from the Golden Retriever Club of America (GRCA)

The fact that Gilbert was not a stereotypically ‘scary’ breed, such as ones we see that are heavily propagandized as ‘evil’ and inherently vicious, makes all of this feel more sadistic. I think it is important people see pictures of Gilbert, and videos of Retriever breeds in general, and keep Boelter’s actions in mind. Look into their eyes. How could someone do this to one of you guys? It is unfathomable, and that’s not to mention the contradiction of Boelter being a self-proclaimed devout and ‘pro-life’ Evangelical.

Mind you, Gilbert did not die on the spot, he was still alive after Boelter shot him—left in agony—possibly having just witnessed the senseless killing of his humans. He passed away two days after he was brought to the animal hospital, where professionals eventually deemed the most humane treatment for Gilbert would be euthanasia. He was too severely injured for them to, in good conscience, keep him alive, and that detail makes me tear up as I type this.

Gilbert was not a Doberman Pinscher. He was not a Rottweiler. He was not an American Pit Bull Terrier. He was not an American Staffordshire Terrier, nor was he a Great Dane, a Boxer, an American Bulldog, or any other villainized dog breed. Goldens are representative of loyalty, friendship, and affection. Boelter murdered Gilbert anyway, and for what? His humans, Melissa and Mark Hortman, had committed no crime of law or morality. Quite the opposite. Melissa was a champion for women’s rights, reproductive rights, and LGBTQ+ rights. Mark stood beside her in her endeavors. She also volunteered for an organization by the name of Helping Paws, Inc., which raises, trains, and places service animals with people who have physical and/or psychiatric disabilities, and therapy animals for people going through the court process.

If Melissa and Mark didn’t deserve this, then surely a defenseless animal (who had fuck all to do with politics) did not either. Boelter is a sick man. This alt-right madness must be stomped out by any means necessary.

Rest in peace to Melissa Anne Hortman (May 27th, 1970 - June 14th, 2025), Mark Hortman (November 30th, 1966 - June 14th, 2025), and their beloved dog, Gilbert (unknown - June 16th, 2025).

I do realize that this is a small thing compared to the loss of human life but it horrifies me and upsets me that that fucker also murdered Melissa Hortman’s golden retriever

[ceyanabbiolo]

PHOTOGRAPH // M.S [21]

Summary: Daphne Denoire, a 21-year-old, returns to Boston after 3 years—but working for her brother’s best friend, Matthew Sturniolo, wasn’t part of the plan. He’s a 26-year-old multimillionaire. She’s the girl he was never supposed to feel this way about. With secrets between them and boundaries set, how far will they go for a love they never saw coming?

Warnings: angst

wc: 3378

Chapter 21: Week of Insanity

The whole day went by in a blur, just sitting and waiting around, hoping that something good would come. 

However, no news came. 

I hadn’t slept. Maybe I dozed off for a few minutes, head leaning against the wall, but the images of Matt in that bed haunted even the moments my eyes were closed.

Noah had gone downstairs, Nick sat quietly with his headphones in, eyes unfocused, staring at nothing. 

Just past 9 PM, Aurora returned to the waiting area. She dropped into the seat beside me, sighing as she pulled the blanket back around her shoulders.

That’s when it hit me.

“Wait… aren’t you and Chris—weren’t you broken up?”

Aurora laughed softly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. The last time I’d seen her at her fashion show, she’d told me the engagement had ended badly after her father’s arrest. Her voice then had been bitter, distant. 

“Yeah… we were,” she said, nodding. “It was messy. But… we actually got back together a few nights ago.”

My eyebrows lifted. “Really?”

She smiled sheepishly. “Yeah… like three nights ago. It just… happened. Kind of out of nowhere,” then added. “He showed up at my worst.”

I nodded and offered her a warm smile. “Good. I’m glad.”

I understood that feeling. That deep-down, unshakable knowing. The way someone could show up at your worst and quietly rebuild everything you thought you lost. 

Matt had done that for me—he’d shown up in my life when I was at my most lost, when I didn’t know what came next or if I even had the strength to figure it out.

“You know…” Aurora said, gently nudging me with her elbow. “Matt really cares about you.”

I glanced at her, unsure. “Really?”

She gave a soft laugh and nodded. “Yeah, girl. Every time he’s around me or Chris or anyone, he always finds a way to bring you up. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it—it’s like you’re just... apart of him now.”

A smile pulled at my lips, quiet and aching.

“I just want him to wake up,” I whispered, the words barely holding together.

He’d been taken in for another surgery earlier—only about an hour ago. It had gone well, from what the nurses told us. The swelling had gone down. His vitals were stronger.

Everyone was saying his condition was better now. More stable. 

Still, I hated the way the doctors always said If he wakes up. Every time I heard it, something inside me cracked a little more, because in my head, there was no if. Matt was going to wake up. That was the only option. No hesitation. No question. It wasn’t if. It was when. 

Mary Lou had come by around 6 PM to check in on Matt. She’d been on edge, panicked, pacing, asking the same questions over and over. Chris and Nick had told her the doctors said Matt would wake up soon. That calmed her down.

Of course, it wasn’t true. The doctors had never said that, but she needed rest. She was older, exhausted, and running on nothing but worry. We wouldn’t want that stress to take her down, too.

As I sat quietly, watching the hallway, I felt someone approach.

“We should go home, love,” Chris said softly to Aurora, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Aurora glanced at me, hesitating. “It’s fine, Chris—we should stay,” she said gently.

I shook my head. “No. Go home, girl. Seriously, I’m okay.”

Aurora still looked unsure, but after a beat, she nodded.

Chris turned his attention to me. 

“Noah’s coming back soon, you should get some rest too,” he added, “if he wakes up, one of us will call you. Me, Nick, or Aurora will. You won’t miss anything, I promise.”

There was a softness in Chris’s voice—gentler than his usual gruff tone—and I noticed the way his hand rested protectively at the small of Aurora’s back as they walked out together.

I let out a long sigh, the quiet settling again around me like a heavy blanket.

A few seconds later, Nick came over from where he’d been sitting, his eyes tired, his smile faint. “I think I’m gonna head out too,” he said softly.

I nodded. “Okay. Be safe.”

Just as he disappeared down the hallway, Noah stepped in through the doors, his expression unreadable but his presence grounding.

“Let’s go,” he said simply.

I hesitated. Every part of me screamed to stay, to plant myself back in that chair and wait for Matt to open his eyes. But my body was worn down, and my brain felt like it had been wrung dry.

Reluctantly, I stood and followed behind Noah. The walk from the waiting room to the parking garage was maybe five minutes, but it felt longer, every step tightening the knot in my stomach.

Something in me kept whispering: Don’t leave. Like if I walked away now, I’d miss something important.

By the time we got home, the exhaustion had finally caught up to me. I went straight to my room, peeled off my clothes, and pulled on an old t-shirt. Then I climbed into bed, burying myself beneath the sheets.

But sleep didn’t come. I stared up at the ceiling, listening to the silence.

My mind was consumed with my boyfriend Matt. My mind went back to the first time I saw him, after coming back from London. How he was just there…sitting on the couch like he belonged there. 

Then my mind drifted further back, to a nearly forgotten memory—the first time I saw Matt. At least, the first time I remember. We must’ve been, what… seven and twelve?

“Matt! This is my little sister,” my brother called out, waving him over.

I was seven at the time, sitting beside my mom on the edge of a playground bench, my legs swinging and my lips stained red from a half-melted popsicle. A boy—taller, a little lanky, with messy brown hair and the brightest smile I’d ever seen—ran up toward us. His cheeks were flushed from playing, his shoelaces half undone.

“Hi!” he grinned, giving me a goofy little wave. "I'm Matt."

I blinked at him, the sun in my eyes, and said nothing.

“Come on, Daph,” my mom nudged me gently. “Say hi, hunny.”

I didn’t. I just raised my hand and waved back—shy, quiet, too unsure of myself to speak.

My brother laughed, clearly used to me being like this. “My sister is a little shy, but she’s nice.”

Matt leaned down slightly, hands on his knees. “That’s okay,” he said cheerfully. “I think quiet people are cool.”

I didn’t answer, but I remember studying him closely. The boy who made my brother laugh louder than anyone else. The one he was always talking about, the one whose name floated around our house like background music.

I’d always stayed tucked away in my room—surrounded by dolls, sticker books, and fairy tales—only hearing about Matt and his brothers through muffled laughter down the hall. They were like characters in a story I wasn’t part of.

Until that day.

After meeting him, something shifted. A small, innocent crush bloomed quietly in my chest. The kind only a ten-year-old could carry—full of wide eyes and silly dreams. 

I even remember one summer afternoon, probably when I was around ten, building up every ounce of courage I had just to walk across the yard and ask Matt to open a juice bottle for me. It was probably the boldest thing I’d ever done.

He was only thirteen at the time, lanky and a little awkward, and to my quiet horror, he struggled with the lid just as much as I had. But he tried anyway—tongue poking out slightly in concentration, eyebrows furrowed like it was a life-or-death mission.

I stood there in front of him, trying to play it cool, but secretly thrilled just to have three whole minutes of his undivided attention. When he finally got the lid off with a proud little huff, he handed the bottle back like he’d just saved the day.

“There you go,” he grinned, brushing his hands off on his shorts. “All yours.”

My cheeks had burned for hours after that. Even now, thinking about it made them heat up all over again—but for a different reason. More of a why was I such a weird little kid? kind of way.

The memory lingered in my mind longer than I expected, soft around the edges, like something I hadn’t touched in years. It made my chest ache—in a good way, and a bad one. Eventually, the weight of everything caught up to me.

I curled deeper into the blankets, still wearing Matt’s hoodie, the scent of him faint but comforting. My eyes fluttered shut as that old summer afternoon faded into the darkness behind my lids.

Day One

When I opened my eyes, morning light was already spilling into the room, casting golden lines across the walls. My phone buzzed quietly on the nightstand—8:07 a.m.

Another day. Another day without him awake.

I sat up slowly, blinking against the sunlight, letting the silence settle around me before reaching for my phone. No messages. No updates. Just the usual emptiness I’d come to expect.

Noah had told me earlier that Chris had called—Matt was still in a coma. Stable, but unchanged. They said there was no point in going in today. That I should rest. Wait.

But I couldn’t. I needed to see him. So I went anyway.

When I got to his room, everything was the same. The machines are still humming. The soft beep of the monitor marked time like a metronome. The light from the window fell gently across his still form.

I stepped closer and looked at his face. The bruises were still there, fading just slightly, but still angry and purple. Still real. Still painful to see.

I leaned down, gently brushing his hair from his forehead, my heart aching as I pressed a kiss to the bruise just above his eyebrow. Then another on his temple, and one more near the edge of his jaw.

“They’ll get better soon,” I whispered, “I promise.”

Day Two

I had woken up in the hospital chair, still curled in Matt’s hoodie, my neck stiff from the way I’d fallen asleep. I didn’t even remember closing my eyes. 

What woke me was a soft hand on my shoulder. I blinked up, bleary-eyed, to find Mary Lou standing beside me.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she said gently. “Have you been here with him all night?”

I nodded, sitting up slowly and rubbing at my eyes. “Yeah… I didn’t mean to. I just… lost track of time.”

She gave me a small, knowing smile, her eyes kind.

“It’s alright,” she said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear like a mother would. “You’re probably the first person he’ll want to see when he wakes up anyway.”

She’d said that before—more than once—and I used to brush it off. But hearing it now, with her hand still on my shoulder and the morning light streaming in through the window, I almost believed it.

“I hope so,” I whispered.

Mary Lou gave my hand a soft squeeze. “Go get changed, love. Wash your face. I’ll sit with him for a while.”

I nodded, grateful, and stood slowly, taking one last look at Matt before quietly stepping out of the room.

Day Three

“You look so stupid in this photo,” I murmured, a soft smile tugging at my lips.

I was staring at my phone, at a picture I’d taken of Matt in LA—standing on the beach, sunburned and grinning like a fool, holding two coconuts up to his chest like makeshift boobs.

I chuckled under my breath. “You thought you were so funny.”

The laugh faded almost as quickly as it came, replaced by that all-too-familiar ache. It was almost 11 p.m., and I was still sitting in the hospital hallway, curled up in the same chair outside his room. I’d told myself I’d leave earlier, but I hadn’t moved. I couldn’t.

I looked down at the photo again, my thumb brushing the screen.

“You’d probably make some dumb joke right now if you saw me crying, huh?” I whispered. “Something like, ‘Aw, don’t ruin your pretty face, sweetheart.’”

I swallowed, blinking fast.

The room was silent except for the soft hum of machines behind the glass.

“You always make everything better,” I whispered, my voice catching. “So can you please just… wake up now? Just open your eyes. Just a little?”

I pressed my forehead gently to the arm, barely touching, just enough to feel his warmth. 

“Please, Matt. Just a little”

Day Four

“Daphne,” Noah said. “You need to go home. He’ll wake up when he does.”

I sighed.

“I’m fine here,” I replied. “Not like I want work, my client’s sleeping.” I gestured toward Matt with a faint, tired smile.

Noah pressed his lips together, clearly holding something back.

“You’re here more than his mom.”

He wasn’t wrong. I was here more than anyone else. Even Chris and Nick haven’t visited since yesterday morning. 

But the thought of being anywhere else made my stomach twist. The idea of leaving him—of walking away from that room and not being there if something changed, was unbearable.

It didn’t feel right.

I couldn’t sleep when I was home. I’d toss, turn, check my phone every ten minutes, and stare at the ceiling until the sun came up. However, here, even if I was curled in an uncomfortable hospital chair, I felt closer. I felt... grounded. Honestly, I’d probably get better sleep in Matt’s ICU room than in my own bed right now, because as long as he was here, this is where I needed to be.

Day Five

“Alright, Matthew, enough sleeping—you’re getting lazy,” I teased softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

I was alone with him again, the quiet hospital room heavy around us. Everyone had left about half an hour ago, leaving me with just the steady beep of the machines and the faint hum of the ventilation.

“Prada is waiting for their most handsome model,” I added, forcing a small smile, though my heart felt like it was breaking. “I heard they’re not getting much business without your photos.”

I swallowed hard, suddenly aware of how ridiculous I must sound. If a nurse walked in right now, they’d probably ask if I needed to be checked instead.

I swallowed hard, fighting the lump rising in my throat.

“Oh!” I said a little too loudly, trying to shift the mood. “I got new Pokémon cards. We can open them together!”

Matt loves Pokémon.

I pulled the pack from my bag, my hands trembling as I carefully peeled back the wrapper. My eyes stung, but I blinked fast, refusing to let the tears fall. I wasn’t crying, not yet. Just... weak.

The weight of it all pressed on me, heavy and cold, but I clung to that small, silly hope. Like maybe, just maybe, he’d open his eyes and smile at me, and we’d laugh about the stupid cards like we always did.

Day six 

“Remember when you said you couldn’t go days without showering?” I murmured, talking to myself more than to him. “Well, sir, it’s been almost a week now.”

I gave a tired little smile, shaking my head at my own words. 

"Your bruises are a bit better now."

Just then, the door creaked open, and Chris and Nick stepped in quietly, their faces etched with exhaustion.

“Any progress?” Chris asked softly, eyes scanning the room.

I shook my head slowly. “Nothing yet.”

Nick ran a hand through his hair, his jaw clenched. “Still no sign?”

I sighed, looking back at Matt’s motionless form. “Nope.”

We all sighed again in unison. 

Nick gave me a sideways look and smirked. “You know, when Matt wakes up, he should probably kneel down and propose to you right away.”

I blinked, surprised, then let out a soft laugh. “Why’s that?”

He shrugged, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You haven’t left his side for a second. I think that’s gotta count for something.” 

I smiled, the heaviness in the room lifting just a little. 

Day Seven 

My silent sobs echoed softly in the quiet ICU room as I sat on the edge of Matt’s bed. His hand rested in mine, fragile and still, and I traced gentle circles on his fingers, trying to send him strength through my touch.

“Please wake up, Matt,” I whispered, voice trembling. “Please. It’s not funny anymore.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tight. “Chris and Nick need you. Noah needs you.”

My eyes burned with unshed tears as I added, “Your mom needs you.”

And then, barely audible, I confessed, “I need you…”

The whole week, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been going crazy. Talking to myself, eating by myself, and even pacing around the ICU for no reason by myself. 

Before I could say more, the door opened quietly, and Mary Lou stepped inside. Her eyes immediately found mine, and without hesitation, she crossed the room and wrapped me in a warm, comforting hug.

“Oh, my darling girl,” Mary Lou murmured softly, her voice gentle and soothing. “Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry.” She tenderly brushed her fingers through my hair, her touch warm and comforting.

“You love him so much, don’t you, hun?”

 I nodded, unable to find my voice.

“I know he loves you just as much,” she said quietly. “And I think my son would want you to stay strong��for him, right?” she whispered, leaning in close. “He wouldn’t want to know he’s the one making you cry.”

Her calm, steady presence was something I found myself admiring deeply. Here was a mother, standing so strong despite the impossible weight she carried. The way she kept her composure, the gentle way she spoke—it was a quiet kind of bravery I barely understood but desperately needed.

I glanced up at her, seeing the softness in her eyes and the quiet strength in her every breath. How does she do it? I wondered. How does she stay so calm when her heart is breaking just like mine?

In that moment, Mary Lou was not just Matt’s mother—she was a lifeline. When my mother had passed, she, in ways, started to fill some motherly roles in my life. So I was so grateful for her, and will always have a soft spot for her. 

“I’ll try,” I whispered.

Mary Lou pulled back just enough to look at me with soft, concerned eyes. “Honey, you need to go home soon. You’ve been here day and night, and you have to take care of yourself, too.”

I hesitated, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Go freshen up, get some rest. Relax a little. It’ll help you be stronger for him.” Her voice was kind but firm, filled with that motherly wisdom I so desperately needed to hear.

“I’ll stay here with Matt for a while,” she added gently.

I nodded slowly, knowing she was right even if my heart protested.

“Okay,” I whispered.

She offered me a soft smile, and after one last look at Matt, I slowly pulled away. My steps were heavy, reluctant, but I knew she was right.

I needed a moment to breathe.

The walk out of the hospital felt longer than usual, like every hallway stretched on just to test me. The silence of the elevator was deafening, and the cold air outside stung more than usual as I stepped into it.

By the time I got home, the weight of the past week hit me all at once. I barely made it out of my shoes before collapsing onto my bed, face-first into the pillows that still smelled faintly like lavender.

I didn’t bother changing. I didn’t check my phone. Sleep pulled me under fast.

For the first time in days, I didn’t fight it. When I finally relaxed and had a good sleep, the call came around 6:09 in the morning. 

READ ALL RELEASED CHAPTERS NOW!

[a/n: i wonder what the call was? teehee – like and reblog! mwah] –ceyana

Tags: @oopsiedaisydeer @ribbonlovergirl @mattsfrenchtoast @lm-a-mirrorball @urlocallera @kingofeverythingmb @idkwhatimdoinghereeeeeee @malox12 @sturnslux3 @carrielovesmatt @vanillakissesxx @sagesturns @enviedparty101 @kiarasmaybank @mattscore @fmg05 @mattsdiva @kenah-sturniolo @tropicfessed @courta13 @meatballlover10 @ellssturn @idkwhatthisis2009 @mattspillowprincess @chrissturniolodailysluts @babyt0matoes @angelxsturns @mattsbabyangel @mattysmrwrinkleton @beardedbernard @sturnsfluff @le4hsblog @sturnsobsessed21 @munkincakes @wesj11

[sir3nsfi1m]

( DREAM ) ᯓ UCONN WBB / JUJU WATKINS

🀥 a lot of people will look at you , but only a few will see you

summary — moving hundreds of miles away to a completely new space, a new group of people to learn and grow with, and a completely different community is probably the scariest part of life. but with family, not just by blood, the process can be a lot easier . . .

notes — i was feeling rlly soft ; NO ROMANTIC SCENES WITH ANY UCONN WBB PLAYER / this is supposed to be a juju fic but i just realized i never rlly wrote her in here it just felt weird to not give you a s/o — this is ‘24-‘25 uconn 😛

You were never really a homebody. Don’t get it twisted. You were open to adventure. Open to exploring the world, matter of fact, you dreamed of traveling the globe. Discovering new cultures and experiencing different point of views.

But moving across the country to go to your dream school felt different. Felt sort of… scary, in a non-childish way.

Different was scary. Disrupting the flow of your routine you’ve had almost all your life living in the same place. You knew every twist and turn of the roads that led to your favorite hole-in-wall coffee shops and local restaurants. You knew which house belonged to who and which dog you were feeding scraps to when it would rest on your porch.

Changing the script feels unfamiliar. A new process. Packing your childhood room full of endless memories. Your first officially signed WNBA poster, your first pair of designer shoes, your first kiss, your first basketball, your Team USA hoodie hanging on your door. Endless opportunities sat right outside of that room, but some sort of pull kept you from wanting to move.

Los Angeles, California to Storrs, Connecticut is approximately 43 hours via car, 2,920.4 miles. A 43 hour car ride to completely change your life.

“It’s not too bad, you know.” Her deep, smooth voice rings through your headphones. The rumble of the road beneath the Uber’s wheels vibrates the leather seat you sit on, the faint sound of the radio fading into the background as your head leans against the window, your eyes downcast towards your phone. “You’ll get used to it before you even know.”

You scoff halfheartedly, staring out the window for a moment. The weather is a bit confusing, high 70’s but no sun in sight. Your eyes trail back to your phone, displaying the sight of JuJu’s hoodie-covered body laying comfortably in her bed, half-chewing on the string as she stares into the screen, her room lit with only the lamp sitting on her desk.

“Easy for you to say, Ju. You didn’t move across the country. You’re still in-state.” Your voice was light, but mixed with something you didn’t want to unpack.

JuJu pursed her lips slightly, just for a moment, like she was thinking about something. Her naturally lidded eyes held a sort of softness in them you never wanted to look away from. She sighed. “Ma, everything is gonna be okay, you know that. UConn is your dream school, you’ve been talking about it since you could even talk, and you haven’t shut up about it since.”

You scoffed, smiling despite yourself. “Yeah, I know.” Your fingers restlessly played with a loose string on the band of your sweatpants, your jaw lightly clenched in concentration. “I don’t know, it’s just weird. I’ve lived in LA my whole life. And now I’m just… gone. My entire life is stuffed into two suitcases and I’m in a completely new state with completely new opportunities waiting for me. It should excite me, I know. I just… I’m scared, Ju.” You look towards the phone somewhere in between your rant, seeing JuJu staring at the screen with concerned but knowing eyes, her attention fully closed in on you.

“What if I mess up?” This sentence may have haunted you for as long as you could remember. You recall asking yourself this same question about a million times a day. During practice, before a game, during tournaments, during games, during a presentation —

Nothing scared you more than failing.

JuJu furrowed her brows, sitting up a little and angling her phone to show more of her face, a stern but gentle expression resting on her face. “You know how much I hate you asking me that.” She wasn’t mad, just frustrated you could never fully see your own potential.

The nation’s top 3rd recruit for the 2024 season, Ivy League school’s offering full rides, medal after medal, state championships, injuries you’ve had to endure. You’re stronger than you think you are.

You sigh, shaking your head. “I know. I know, I’m sorry. I just —”

“Stop.” It wasn’t harsh, just firm. Gentle with the undertones of ‘you’re spiraling, breathe.’ “You aren’t gonna mess up, baby. Trust me.” JuJu pauses for a moment, as if mustering up the words she’s placing together in her mind. “I’ve seen you bounce back from endless rocks in the road, Ma. Your injuries. The people that doubted you. The people who didn’t understand your worth. This isn’t gonna be the thing that breaks you. It’s gonna build you. Women’s basketball doesn’t even know what they’re about to witness.”

Her voice calms you. The deep, gentle tone that always slows down your brain and forces you to breathe.

“You’re sure you’re not the tiniest bit mad that I chose UConn over USC?”

JuJu deadpanned, scoffing. “Don’t even.” You couldn’t help but giggle at her expression, knowing the answer as you’ve asked her countless times since you decided you were committing. JuJu softens her face again, “I’m not gonna be salty towards you just because you’re going to my… rival school.” She feigns disgust, masking it with a grin. “This is your dream, baby. I’m not gonna be selfish and tell you not to go just so I can keep you to myself. Besides, who else is gonna keep you humble by completely embarrassing you during the inevitable times we will be matched up together?”

Your grin turned wider despite yourself. You hated how easy it was for her to switch your mood around. It was as much of a curse as it was a blessing.

Your smile turned soft, your eyes holding those three words you didn’t need to breathe out for it to be known. “Thank you, baby. I miss you.”

JuJu’s infamous smirk made its way onto her lips, leaning back against her bed frame. “Yeah, I know you do.”

You scoffed, deadpanning. “Never mind.”

JuJu huffs a laugh out of her lips, her smile turning your stomach inside out and lighting it up with imaginary fireworks. “I’m kidding, Ma. I miss you, more.”

You turned towards the window with a smile, a cocky expression written all over your face. “That’s what I thought.”

Leave it up to JuJu, the girl of your dreams, the one who’s been by your side since you were being carried up in the sky to make layups, to be the one to switch your mood in just a couple minutes from completely hopeless to utter excitement.

Getting used to the team wasn’t easy, by all means. Understanding the players and the formation they had created before you was difficult and patient process.

Everyone had their own routines, as you’ve examined. A team of players with completely different ways of playing the game but all coming together to form one. Finding where you fit in the puzzle was the hardest part.

It took a while for you to understand how visual Paige’s court vision really was. Took a while to fully trust that she could get the ball where she needed it for you to take that winning shot. No-look passes weren’t something that came easily, but it showed up nonetheless.

Azzi’s beyond the arc shooting took a while for you to fully grasp. Every shot she took seemed like straight butter. That fire in her eyes before she took her shot, the way she planted her feet, the way she knew when her shot would take and when it wouldn’t. It seemed like Paige and Azzi formed a duo of their own, like they communicated through the tiniest of glances, the simplest of gestures.

KK’s defense threw you for a storm. The energy she put onto that court could probably light an entire arena alone. Though a younger player, you can definitely tell she is slowly taking a leadership role with the way she can create opportunities for her teammates and pass the ball like it came naturally.

Forcing yourself into the mix felt uneasy at first, unfamiliar. The first few practices felt like you were back in middle school. Your confidence slowly building throughout each rebound, with each drive you took towards the basket, through every 3 you sunk.

Geno wasn’t soft with you, nor did you expect him to be. He was firm, honest, brutal in some respects but needed. He didn’t lie to you with your mistakes. He pushed you to your potential, the potential he saw in you.

By the second week, it felt relaxing. Getting to know your team on court was easy, but knowing them off court was even easier.

Jokes passed to you during stretches, being included in night hang outs, deep conversations with your roommates that also involved gossip.

It felt strange, in a good way. You were so used to your team back home, the people you saw almost everyday for 4 years, and now you’re with a completely new set of people but it felt just as it did before.

It felt like home.

“So, I have to ask ‘cause we’ve all been thinking it.” The movie playing on the screen was drowned out by the sound of KK’s voice booming through the air in her heavy fashion. You sat on the floor leaning against the couch, Azzi gently working through your strands, braiding them in a pattern you didn’t even ask for. “Are you actually dating JuJu? Like, from USC?”

You couldn’t help the surprised laugh that fell from your lips as the team looked up with looks of their own, scattered from surprised to controlled, like they were used to it. Azzi’s fingers stopped what they were doing, looking up at the restless girl on the other side of the couch. “KK!” Her tone was firm, but held a slight humorous undertone. “You can’t just ask someone about their personal life like that.”

KK scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Girl boo, we’re a team, we’re supposed to be asking these questions. She’s been here almost two weeks and nobody’s even dared to ask. So I am.” She shrugged with a little smirk resting on her lips, a dangerous expression on her face.

Paige shook her head from beside Azzi, a knowing look on her face as she looked down at her phone. “Here we go.”

Ice and Jana snickered under their breaths from the floor on the opposite side of you. Sharing a bowl of popcorn and looking between their team like it’s the movie despite the actual film on the tv screen.

You smiled fondly, despite slightly embarrassed considering you were just put on the spot, everyone pretending like they’re not staring at you and waiting for the answer. Even Azzi’s half-waiting, fingers slowly going back to braiding.

You adjust the pillow in your lap, getting more comfortable, before sighing softly. “I mean, yeah.” Eyebrows raised in the room, but the air never turns from its playful aura.

KK laughed, loud. “I knew it! I’ve heard you on the phone a couple times but like I didn’t want to be disrespectful so I didn’t say anything.”

You raised an eyebrow her way, giving her a sarcastic look. “So you eavesdropped instead?”

She narrowed her eyes at you in playful annoyance. “Don’t play with me.” You giggled at her response, igniting a loose laughter across the room. You felt weird, a warmth tugging at your chest you couldn’t help but revel in.

“Wait, so how’d that even start?” Kaitlyn, the genius transfer from Princeton, chimed in from the couch.

You shrugged, looking down and playing with the edges of the pillow in your lap, trying but failing to hide your fond smile you always get when you talk about JuJu.

“We’ve went to school together since probably forever. She got me into basketball, actually. Made me watch the games with her and wouldn’t let me look away from the screen.” You laughed softly at the memories. “We made it official in sophomore year, but I know she’s been crushing on me since middle school.”

Azzi nudges your shoulder with her knee. You can’t see her face, but you know she’s probably got a fond expression on her face. “Aww, you guys seem so adorable together.”

KK blinked, surprised. “Wait, that’s actually kinda cute. I thought she’d always been this like nonchalant kid. Like I can full on imagine her having no expressions as a child.” She gives a look to Paige, who’s half-listening, half watching whatever reel is on her Instagram. “Nothing like this wannabe nonchalant final boss over here.”

Paige lifts her head so fast you almost get second-hand whiplash. She cuts a dirty look to KK, raising her hands, “Why am I catching a fade right now?”

You ignore her, smiling knowingly at KK. “Nah, she thinks she’s nonchalant. You guys just don’t know her off the court.” You look towards Sarah, who’s been silent the entire time, the only one paying attention to the movie. “Like Sarah.” Her head whips over, a confused look on her face.

“Bro… what?” The team is all smiles and giggles as Sarah continues to ask what’s so funny. You just stare between every person sitting in the room, your heart feeling like it’s fluttering so fast it’s gonna explode.

You were scared at first, unsure of how much of your life would change when you moved. You were scared of the change.

But now, as you sit in this room with people who you’ve only just gotten to know, but feel like you’ve known forever, you start to understand why people say family isn’t made, it’s earned.

Off-days are the hardest.

The days you feel disconnected, unsure of your place, confidence flying out the window with every missed shot, every turnover you make, every missed opportunity you didn’t call.

Those days feel like the days you just wanna give up. With every yell from Geno, telling you step it up, pass the ball, lay off the defenders. Every note, despite it being for the use of the team, feels like a new prickle in your skin that itches so hard it scabs over and bleeds.

Those days break you the hardest.

You remember your first off-day. Waking up with the biggest migraine you’ve ever experienced, having to use the strength of a thousand men to pull yourself out of bed, barely managing that ‘good morning’ text to JuJu before forcing yourself into your newly acclaimed routine.

It started slow. Burning your tongue on your morning coffee. Dropping your toothbrush in the trashcan. Putting your shoes on backwards. It moved into more noticeable changes. The way the sunlight burned your eyes so deep. The way the soft chatter of the morning team felt like nails scrapping on a chalkboard. The way the squeaking of shoes on the court felt like it was burrowing itself behind your eyes.

Something was off. You knew there was, you just couldn’t place it.

You forced yourself to ignore the stares when you would fumble the ball on an easy drive to the basket. Ignore the mumbles when you would miss an easy mid-range jumper and slowly walk back on defense like you were forcing yourself to move your body. The way Geno seemed like he was targeting you with every misstep you would take.

You forced yourself to push every doubt into the back of your mind. All until Paige pulled you aside once Geno called for a break, leading you away from the group huddling for their water, her gentle eyes landing on you; sunken in cheeks, heavy breathing that wasn’t just from the endless conditioning, the way your hands shook a little too much.

“Hey…” Her voice was low, soft, laced with concern and understanding. “You good?”

You nodded despite the lingering pain behind your eyes, despite the lights that seemed to bright and the music that seemed to loud bellowing in the gym.

Paige raised a brow. “Don’t lie to me.” When you furrowed your brows and went to interrupt her, she shook her head. “I can tell somethings wrong. You’re missing your shots, which I know you can down. Your feet are stumbling. You’ve barely said one word since you’ve gotten here.” You look to the side, sighing as you shook your head softly. Paige lowered her voice. “What’s going on, rook?”

The nickname set a warmth in your chest. Her concerned gaze and soft voice soothed you in a way you couldn’t understand. Like a way a sister could read your mind.

You shook your head a little firmer. “Nothing, I just…” you couldn’t even force yourself to keep up that mask, sighing and looking down as you force the tears threatening to escape to bottle up inside you. You swallowed hard, looking up and trying to avoid those big, blue eyes filled with concern and almost dared you to lie. “I don’t think I can do it, Paige.”

Paige furrowed her brows, confused. She set her hands on her hips as she waited for you to elaborate.

You sighed again. “Everyone here has their spot. Their place.” You gestured to the rest of the team, who, albeit seemed like they weren’t paying attention, looked over towards the two of you every couple of seconds. “They all have a place where they fit. Why do I feel like I’m the only one that can’t? Why am I the missing piece?” Your eyes threatened to water over, but you forced yourself to push them back.

Paige shook her head, pursing her lips. “Hey, listen to me.” She forced you to look into her eyes, despite the way you wanted to curl yourself into a ball and never get back up. “You fit, okay? You do. Everyone here does. This team wouldn’t be full without you. I would be lost on that court if I didn’t know that I could trust you in those chaotic moments. You’re where I need you, and I know you can deliver that extra pass, that last-second shot-clock-draining basket. You never back down, and that’s exactly what this team needs. You belong here, okay? Don’t ever think twice about that.”

You don’t recall the moment that first tear falls, but once you heard her tell you that you belonged, you didn’t hold back. Your lips trembled with the sobs you held back. Her voice was firm but gentle, like she wasn’t explaining, she was telling you.

Paige wrapped her arms around you and brought you towards her in a soul-crushing hug, resting her chin on top of your head as you wrapped your arms around her, hiding your cries into her shirt. She whispered softly into the air as you took in the embrace, feeling as though you had just gained an angel in a moment of weakness.

“We need you here, little sis.”

The nights you needed an escape, you went to Azzi.

Blankets and endless snacks, despite Azzi claiming that the carrot sticks she packed were enough, and the stars was your outing from the endless chaos that ensued in your new life.

She wouldn’t ask questions when you would walk into her room covered in a gigantic blanket with snacks packed into your hands and a soft look on your face, she would just smile and tell you to wait for a moment so she could change into a onesie and grab her blankets before you would walk across campus to one of the empty courts.

The low sound of her typing on her phone would drown out into the sound of crickets chirping and the wind rustling softly against the trees as you would lay down on a blanket, staring into the stars like the painted a picture you were examining.

This was all you needed. Silence. The presence of someone sitting beside you, no speaking, no questions about professors or class work, no jokes about Geno’s hair products or someone slipping on the court during practice.

Just pure silence. Soft and comforting.

Sometimes, you would speak.

“Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we didn’t decide to pick up a basketball?”

Multiple answer questions. Ones that you could develop thousands and thousands of theories and possibilities but will never happen because it’s just not how the universe tuned itself.

Azzi turned her phone off from beside you, laying it gently beside herself as she stared up into the stars, body opposite yours, your heads touching. She hummed lightly into the air, a questioning hum.

“I don’t know, I guess…” she was quiet for a moment, pondering. “I think I probably still would’ve gone into something related to sports. Maybe coaching. Or maybe playing another sport.” Her voice was soft in the night, like a breath against the wind.

You hummed. “I always wonder what it would be like now if I hadn’t of decided to play. If I would have gone unnoticed today instead of being posted on articles. If people wouldn’t even give me a second glance when I walk on the street.” Your voice held distance, like your brain and your mouth were in two separate places.

Azzi hums again, breathing softly. “I guess it’s always a ‘what if’, huh?” A question left unanswered. “We just have to focus on the present, now. The past is something we can’t change, only grow from. Maybe life would be different if we didn’t play, but we’ll never know. Now, all we can do is decide if we want to continue asking ourselves what could be different and what can be different.”

You lay silent on the ground as you let her words caress your ears, carrying a comforting tone. Azzi, despite the deafening silence, interrupted, whispering. “I’m glad you decided to pick up a ball that day. I don’t think I could imagine playing without you, now.” She moved her head, forcing you to do the same, looking into her eyes as she smiled at you softly. “You’re stuck with us now, mini me.”

You giggled at the nickname, making her smile wider at you, reaching over and grabbing your hand softly. “You’re the little sister I’ve always wanted.”

You smiled, squeezing her hand. “You’re the big sister I’ve always needed.”

Despite the times you believe to be too much; pestering KK about a joke, annoying Sarah with memes, forcing Ice to make Crumbl runs with you, asking Kaitlyn too many questions, making Aubrey help you with assignments, you don’t realize the times you inadvertently help the team without even trying.

The times Paige curses herself out in her head when she makes a bad pass that you couldn’t grab, and you would just walk up to her, tap her arm, and tell her that her passes were great, she was just overthinking it.

The times Azzi feels like she’s letting the team down when she has to sit out of practices because her knee caught up with the amount of exertion she was having, and you would sit down next to her and compare scars, say that the lines looked somewhere between a heart and a constellation she couldn’t remember the name of, distracting her from the fact that she was sitting on the bench instead of scrimmaging with the rest of the team.

The times KK feels a little too loud and sits in her room in silence and scrolls through her phone, and you would lay beside her and show her stupid little reels and laugh like no one was watching, loud as ever.

The times Jana would feel a little too out of place because of the cultural differences, and you would deliberately wake up with Paige in the crack of dawn to make her breakfast during Ramadan.

The times Sarah felt out of place and too emotionless on the court, and you would walk over and throw and arm around her shoulders and just laugh at nothing.

You contributed a piece of yourself towards your team in more ways than you imagined. A family you found and loved with so much of your heart. A piece of your life you would carry with you through whatever battles you would fight in your future.

It turns out… a little adventure never hurts anyone.

sir3nsfi1m 2025

this turned out so long omg i wrote this in 3 consecutive hours and i haven’t grammar checked it at all so please ignore all mistakes luv u <3

[milla-frenchy]

Recs | June 25

June readings 💚

Please, rb the fics you appreciated, that's how they live 💚🙏

Check the warnings before reading

Joel Miller

Why not? @aurorawritestoescape

When your vibe dies on you at the worst possible moment, you decide to ask your hot step brother for help

Construction corner @for-a-longlongtime

Joel jerking it to gay porn for the first time

Just to pass the time @arcane-fox

Dancing the night away, Joel Miller has his sights on you

Insatiable @aurorawritestoescape

Joel finally gives you what you want but you already crave more

What's for dinner? @bergamote-catsandbooks

A seemingly mundane list of reminders left for one another evolves into something much more heartfelt

The dog days of starting over | part 1 @joelalorian

Joel is hit with the loneliness of an empty nest when Sarah goes overseas for college. Her solution? Adopt a dog. That may just change Joel's life

Lead me not into temptation Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 @tateypots

Salty, sweet @whocaresstillthelouvre

Joel gives you even more than just a pretzel

Joel and Tommy Miller

Spectators | Concessions | Double play @toxicanonymity

Javier Miller

(Unnamed) @magpiepills

Tommy Miller

Kiss my ass, cowboy @iamasaddie

A simple rest for the night at a truck stop in the middle of nowhere turned out to be a pleasant experience

Good morning text @aurorawritestoescape

Use me @aurorawritestoescape

Tommy makes you feel good after a tiring day

Javier Peña

Don't come around here no more @baronessvonglitter

On a visit to Colombia, you're reunited with old work friends.. Javi is the only one who doesn't come to say hi...

The epilogue @javier-pena

You've been estranged from your husband for years. When you finally track him down to make him sign the divorce papers, you get what you want and what you need - but it comes at a price

Suburban sparks chapt 1 | chapt 2 | chapt 3 | @whocaresstillthelouvre

You've had a crush on Javier Peña since the first time you saw a photograph of him. Finally meeting him years later, changes everything for you... and him

Tim Rockford

Wife material @604to647

Tim wakes up in the hospital after getting shot

Nice and slow @604to647

Detective Tim Rockford is forced to convalesce after getting shot

Bringing you in hot @604to647

Why not Tim Djarin?

Harry Castillo

Masterpiece @baronessvonglitter Getting to know the wealthy man who's taken an interest in your art, you find out he has a dirty little secret

Frankie Morales

Forever @aurorawritestoescape

Frankie takes you out to a fancy restaurant and you think he’s going to propose

Lucien de Leon

Wine stained lips @schnarfer

You run into your ex-boyfriend Lucien, the loss of your life, at a funeral

Pero Tovar

Yǒng Yuǎn (forever) | Breaking chains (part2) @604to647

You and Pero find love in more than one lifetime

Dieter Bravo

Notting Hill AU @schnarfer

Dave York

Law of attraction | Chapt 9 @baronessvonglitter

Attraction isn't an easy thing to ignore. Especially when you and Dave find yourselves entangled in each other's professional and then private lives

Reed Richards

Forced move @bergamote-catsandbooks

Max Phillips

Performance review @aurorawritestoescape

Max conducts a performance review in a non-conventional way

Multi p boys

Grab a bite @guiltyasdave (Dave York x Marcus Pike)

Code blue @baronessvonglitter (Javier Peña x Tim Rockford)

On a double date, Agent Javier Peña and Detective Tim Rockford are more interested in each other than in the bubbly blonde badge bunnies they're with

Other characters

November @thedilfdiaries

Every November, Arthur Morgan is haunted by memories of a love he lost

My writing

Taste in men (Joel Miller x Javier Peña x fem reader) Your longtime friend, Javi, helps you make your ex jealous

The outpost (Jackson!Joel x reader)

You take advantage of an innocent soul to make Joel jealous during patrol

Javi, Joel, Acacius headcanons

The Ambassador can wait (Javier Peña x Steve Murphy)

The tension between the two DEA agents reaches its peak

Fics recs

Please tell me if I forgot yours in this post 🙏

[dark-elf-writes]

“Please, just let me save at least one person.”

The prayer is a weak, stilted thing from a soul unaccustomed to asking for help, but the desperation in the words is familiar enough that Xie Lian’s head snaps up from where he was helping Hua Cheng with his calligraphy. All of him turned inward to hear the faintest whisper. A continuation from that shattered soul. Beside him, San Lang tipped his head to the side as if straining to hear something as well.

Someone smart enough to pray to them both.

Someone desperate enough.

“Let my death pay for his life. My A-Yuan. My son.”

Xie Lian shoves to his feet before the words stopped, reaches for the dice Hua Chen was already throwing with a practiced hand.

They are still too late.

The slaughter is not the worst either of them has ever seen, all things considered, no there were far too few people involved for that to be the case, but that didn’t make the scene any less haunting. The empty eyes of rotting corpses followed them even as the humans around them remained oblivious to their presence as they ran through the broken door of what might have once been a roughly made house (with enough soft touches to have been a home even with the ache of poverty was written into nearly every line of it.) and into the horde screaming their triumph to the sky.

Some of them.

A man in green looked around with wide eyes not quite hidden by his battle fan. From their angle Xie Lian could see the tight press of his lips as he forced back the tears that threatened to form, unnoticed by all but the dead and divine.

A man in white looked grim-faced and stiff. His hands shook as he tucked his xiao away, and his eyes were distant, as if he was watching something far, far away. As if he was grieving what he saw.

A man in purple was so pale Xie Lian was convinced he was going to vomit right then and there. Purple lightning snaked over his skin, crackled through his hair. It did little to stop the congratulatory back patting and jostling from the rest of the crowd.

The ghosts, recently dead all far more powerful than they should be, surrounded in a power that felt unnatural, knelt with tears in their eyes, looking not at their own bodies, but beyond. Into the seething mass of walking corpses.

Into the mass where Xie Lian felt the frayed edges of the prayer tugging him.

Into the blood drenched miasma of resentment that had only moments before been a person.

“Please,” An aged voice made Xie Lian blink, tearing his eyes away from the bloodshed to see the ghost of an old woman kneeling in front of him. “Please, great lord, you cannot allow them to find him. Not our A-Yuan. Not after what A-Xian gave for him. For all of us.”

A-Yuan.

The prayer.

“His son,” Xie Lian breathed.

One of the other ghosts, an older man with the signs of a hard life etched into his face, laughed without humor. “Of course he would only admit it as he was dying. Wei Wuxian, you fool.”

Wei Wuxian. Xie Lian knew the name. Had heard it time and time again from ghost, prayers, and heavenly officials alike.

The founder of demonic cultivation. The Yiling Patriarch. A father and a ruler, desperate to save just one life.

To save his son.

The wheel spun ever on, even when Xie Lian was no longer forced to be its axis.

“Where—?”

“The trees,” A woman, dressed in far more revealing clothing and dead far longer with far more of that strange energy around her boosting easily to the level of a wrath, cut in with a sad smile. “Wei-ge hid him away himself before he…” she trailed off with a pinched look. “Those of us that are strong enough to separate from our bodies are keeping watch over him while…”

She didn’t gesture toward the bloody slaughter that had been her Wei-ge. Xie Lian didn’t need her to.

“Go, Gege,” San Lang said with a gentle nudge to his arm. “I’ll stay here.”

Xie Lian didn’t ask. He didn’t need to.

He ran.

[bookinit02]

francesca’s arc has me SOBBING

[eelektrossfan]

Random and fun doodles, silly sketches if you will

[sichore]

this brainrot took hold in record time

[iwantoceans]

I was hoping you would come through

[worblewobble]

something about walking eyes

[imagionationstation]

Hey, I realized something recently:

When Raph changed back from a vampire he acted like he remembered the experience.

When he WAS a vampire he mentioned eating spiders and rats 👀

Deduction: my insect fearing child quite possibly remembers *chonking down live spiders*!

I have deep feelings about this but for now I'll just leave that tidbit with you.

Oh. Oh, I forgot about that…

[millidew]

he really didn’t think it’d end like this

[planesfly]

Ths poolverine brainrot has gotten to me good lord they definitely fucked in that Honda Odessey

[angelalxx]

Not to dampen the mood anymore but I think everyone should know that buzzer went off and georgie went straight off the ice, no looks, no quick words, straight to the back :(

[daisynik7]

nii-chan chaser supremacy

hell yeah, here are my fave nii-chans in no particular order: